IT'S COMING.

I have typed about 93 pages in the past 10 days.

My lower back feels as if someone smashed a bat against it.

I hate this keyboard I am typing on.

I'm

still

 not

done...

On Wednesday morning, it will all be over. I will click that last submit button, and walk out of my last final of my college career feeling a lot like this:

Excuse my nerd humor. 

In fact, I'm just a wannabe nerd. I don't even like Lord of the Rings that much. 

Wednesday can NOT come soon enough. 

Guess what else happens on Wednesday? 

We get the keys to OUR apartment, 

and

I finally get my wedding dress. 

I'm just the teensiest bit excited.

MOVING ON

This wedding of mine? It's coming in thirty-seven days. What??? I am the luckiest. Stay tuned because I'm going to be blogging a lot more about my wedding plans. Pretty much everything has been planned and put in place.

I can hardly believe it. 

Let me just start the rest of this post with a disclaimer: I love my fiance with all my heart. He is my best friend and number one supporter. He is one of those men that women only dream of... he's totally real and the best thing to ever happen to me. 

With that in mind, let me begin to divulge all sorts of silly emotions.

To find out that friends of mine discussed how long my engagement would last before I called it off, hurts. To have awful rumors find their way to me is just yucky. To discover that someone I trusted or found loyal doesn't respect me or what I do just. plain. sucks. A couple years ago I lost one of my dearest friends and I'm not sure I'll ever understand why.  These statements might sound like I am talking about one person. The truth is, there are several people who have and will hurt me. Girls can be just awful to each other. I try to take it as a lady and move on. 

But that hurt is real. My father always tells me not to let the actions of determine how I feel.  Someday I'll figure out how to do that and let you all know how it's done. 

I want to know that someone is dying to hear about my wedding plans or that they will call me to grab lunch because they miss my conversation. Is that weird? Am I being dramatic?

Last night, I was saying all of this to my patient Gregory while tears poured from my eyes when I remembered something I was told once,

"Women need the support of other women."

Plain and simple. I don't care if you agree with that statement or not, but I need the support of other women.  I am excited to be getting married, he is my absolutely my best friend and know I can and will always count on him. That doesn't mean that I have to lose all my friends though, right? I look forward to meeting new women in the places life will take us, and I hope I can be supportive, kind, and someone they can rely on. In the past weeks, months, and years I have began to recognize who true friends are.

After my conversation with Greg reassuring me that I do have supportive friends, I realized that even when I feel alone... he's there. He may not be able to go shopping with me and have a great time, or eat yummy salads and browse through boutiques, but he is my everything.

I am so grateful for those people who remain true friends no matter what. You know who you are. Those people are the most admirable. Loyalty is hard to come by. 

MRS. DR.

During the next two months, my fiance is studying for and taking the MCAT, prepping for school applications, working at a pharmacy, being a stressed, successful student and getting married.  I am thrilled to be marrying Greg-- he is more than I could have ever asked for.  I could go on and on about him, trust me.  I am immensely proud of his ambitions and all that he has accomplished.  But, this weekend it hit me: he really is going to be a doctor someday

It didn't hit me like, "Yay! We will have a great salary and I can drive my white Range Rover!" 

It hit me like, "Oh, crap! Med school. Oh, crap." 

Greg and I watched a documentary (read more here) over the weekend that really opened my eyes to the experiences that await us.  I  a m  t e r r i f i e d.  We watched a few doctors throughout 21 years of their schooling, residencies, and careers.  We watched emotionally-drained students, under-compensated interns, struggling and failing marriages.  I don't now where he'll get accepted.  I don't know if we will be close to family.  I don't know how I will hold it together for my overworked husband. I don't know how we are going to do it, but I know we can. 

I know we can.  Greg is passionate about medicine and I know he will thrive in medical school.  I believe in him and anything he wants to take on.  I am not so sure that I will thrive while he's in medical school, but I'll cross that bridge when we come to it.  I want to be supportive and encouraging, but I love to worry.  I'm worried what strain this change will cause on my new marriage, but I know we can make it. 

It's an indescribable feeling knowing that I've found that man I want to take risks with.  I love that we are going to take risks together.  I may be scared out of my mind, but we are going to shoot for the moon together.  

(cascio photography)