As I grow up and realize more everyday how little I know, I have to remind myself of all the good around me. I finished my bachelor's degree on Wedneday and start my new job On Monday. That's amazing, right? Then why do I feel this sense of panic? I am terrified of failing.
I am a little terrified to grow up too fast.
I want to slow time down and be wrapped up in G's arms just a few minutes longer in the morning. I want my aching knees to stop-- can't I have the body of an 18-year-old again? Within the blink of an eye, I will be sending off my first kid to college and then pretty soon I will be a grandma. After that? Greg will be all alone, or worse, I will be all alone. I don't want to grow old.
A couple months ago, G's grandfather passed away, leaving his wife. Much more recently, his paternal grandmother passed away Wednesday morning-- finally joining her husband. She had been without him for far too long. Yesterday, I got a phone call informing me that my grandfather will be passing in only a matter of time, leaving my grandmother alone. What is the point of that? I couldn't do it.
I am so terrified of getting old.
Someone tell me how to embrace it all and just let things happen.
I know we didn't know each other very well in high school, but I stumbled upon your blog today and have been stalking you...I'm good at that with blogs. Anyway, I just love your blog. You're such a great writer and are so honest. I totally have this same fear of getting old, and other people getting old. I wish I could tell you how to just let things happen, but I have the same fear, so when you find out, let me know. Also, is it you or Greg's grandpa in this photo? I remember helping him a lot at the Zions Bank in Bountiful.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, excuse me for stalking your adorable blog...just thought I would let you know it's great and you should keep writing :)